thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
