The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
