If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just pee around me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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