After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
