moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
