having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
