Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
