Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
