it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
tell me about the eggs
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
