Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
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My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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