...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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