I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
