I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
