just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
do herpes really smell.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
