we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
