I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
