I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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