I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
