Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
