...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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