Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
