no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
what day is it and did you see me today?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
