I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
