what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
