if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Randomize
