I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
