My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
