it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
