He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
