His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
