I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
