Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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