Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize