He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
