Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Maybe he injected his testicle?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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