I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
