that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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