New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
