careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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