i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
