Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
