just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize