YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
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i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
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The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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