on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
