i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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