I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
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Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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