Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
