Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
