Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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