I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
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She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
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I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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