she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
