college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Couch. On fire.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
