Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
