so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
