it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
