You really coming over, don't trick.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
