Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize