How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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