i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I deserve this hangover.
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