Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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