Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
