I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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