I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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