Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
