i was born a porn star she said
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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