do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
