so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
