Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
