Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
