Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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