You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
